While sitting just now to meditate, after a good 40 minutes or
so of shaking, stillness, twitching, smiling and making the usual peculiar
facial expressions and noises that I usually do, I received a nice little message, downloaded into my little mindPod,
to help me continue my path to freedom.
“Stop taking care of life and let it take care of you”. Pretty
simple really and says more than I could ever hope to in the lines which might follow!
What is clear to me, over the last few years, is that I’ve been more conscious of my
suffering, my attempt to control people (and I mean this in the best possible
way) and situations and, my increasing efforts to make ‘life work for me’. What
has this led to? Well obviously more stress, angst and suffering! Ha ha!
I’m not saying that I’m getting it wrong all the time, as I
have always believed that we need to embrace instability in order to make
progress. As the good man said, “And the meek shall inherit the Earth”........
What I am saying is that I am dropping again in to the abyss,
the dark unknown, whereby I let go of old addictions, based upon the attempt to
avoid feeling what I really feel.
Instead of this, like most others, I crave to seek another
high, replace that empty space with something exhilarating to my senses and
mind rather than experience, perhaps, the loneliness, sadness or depression
that a moment or few might be opening up to me.
The recent days have reminded me that above all else, what I
seek, is peace. This means ‘I seek’ the cessation of seeking, which enables
beingness to arise once again.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything like this and I
assure you, I have missed it. I have spent much of my time adjusting to a new
way of life, having seen half my work load shift from the classroom to the
computer. I’ve been learning about on-line skills and faced fierce challenges both
within and out, in order to arrive here, now, once again.
So, the message dropped into my logical, rational brain, out
of the ethers and into my stilling body....
“Stop
taking care of life and let life take care of you”..........
This doesn’t mean I shall sit like an unemployed vagrant or
expect opportunity to drop in my palm without any giving on my part, but it has
reminded me to trust and believe more deeply in the feelings and messages my
heart sends to my brain.
I started this so called ‘life style’ back in 1996 and I have
also been reminded recently, that it wasn’t for money or fortune I did it. I
dropped my old ways which had led me astray in order to remember, even just for
a moment again, who I was. To experience just a few minutes of being in the
present, rather than worrying about what work I had or hadn’t done for my
employers or what intoxicants I had in
my cabinet or needed to score in order to avoid being in the present moment
again!!
Almost 20 years later, I see I have been trying to avoid my Self
again, trying to fill life, give it meaning, sort it out and
take care of things. Each day I ‘teach’ people to ‘breathe out and let
go’ and yet catch myself on the hop, from this idea or scheme to the next, so
busy brainstorming, that the thunder and lightning have wreaked havoc in my
heart.
So that’s it really.
I don’t want to waffle.
Life has reminded me, a few hours ago that it is taking care
of me.
When my left brain tried to make a note that I must blog about
this later, silent awareness winked, ‘come to me, come here and let’s see about
‘later’, later.’
Love you all.
Matt :)x
Kabalah
– from the Hebrew root ‘Kabel’ ~ to receive
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